Conflict Resolution.

Could you define a conflict resolution in the state of Minnesota? Some have called it an odd and eery clash of Minnesota nice and avoidance theory. A particular confrontation might look like this: a neighbor is stranded with a dead battery in the middle of January so you help them jumpstart their car and easily hide away for the rest of the winter so that you can avoid them. Or you order a medium rare hamburger and when the waitress asks how it is, you internally are disappointed with the well done chunk of chopped bovine but you release a simple “it’s fine” and then avoid eye contact with them for the rest of the evening, leaving a less than adequate tip.

As Christians, whose sole purpose in life is to glorify the name of Jesus, we are called to do so by, in this case, conflict resolution. Matthew 18 is our text and Jesus leads us through the steps of arbitrating a precarious event where one Christian has sinned against another.  Let’s explore.

Verse 15 gives us the fully human experience of sin: one sinful Christian is going to step on the toes of another sinful Christian. This will happen so we must be aware of it and prepared to rightly handle it.

And rightfully we address them both as Christians and sinners. This is the place to leap to immediately: each of these Christians has many infractions against God’s holy law. And there is a pointed dispute that has arisen between them which will cause dysfunction and breakdown in the Christian community unless it is dwelt with appropriately. One of these Christians has marred the other Christian’s reputation; or the one person neglected the other’s health concerns and is either not aware of it or doesn’t care; or there is the breach of duty to the eighth commandment; or one believer has selfishly pushed their own agenda to the insult of the other believer; or the commandment on sex and marriage is being shoved aside and it needs to be addressed.

Step one: Address the sin specifically.  “If your brother or sister sins, go and point out their fault, just between the two of you. If they listen to you, you have won them over” (Matthew 18:15).

Notice how this is not meant to be a public berating. Jesus is a very wise God and knows how human nature works. He is leaving room for “benefit of the doubt” but also for a personal inquiry for the sake of NOT shaming the individual. Shame does not typically produce a good outcome in the believer; shame creates a constant fear of being rejected and it traps the person in avoidance strategies. That does not promote a good future for the sinner (either one).

Step two: There must be a way to go deeper and further if this first step is not productive. Verses 16 and 17 allow the possibility that a private confrontation (just between one Christian and another) may work but is also likely to go limp and fail. Stubbornness may be a factor in this refusal to see one’s own sin. Or it may be a lack of awareness and disbelief. But it could also be a matter of pride: “how dare anyone accuse me of wrongdoing!”  My prayer is that none of us be objects of such a stubborn personality. May humility and truth stand over us.

“But if they will not listen, take one or two others along, so that ‘every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses.’ 17 If they still refuse to listen, tell it to the church; and if they refuse to listen even to the church, treat them as you would a pagan or a tax collector” (Matthew 18:16-17).

Step three is probably the hardest of all because it does not seem to jive with Minnesota nice. “If they still refuse to listen . . . treat them as you would a pagan or a tax collector.” Treat them as you would treat a non-believer; treat them as a person who is cheating you out of your rightful wages. Treat them as if they do not yet know that they are saved by grace through faith.

In the end, we are to treat them as someone who is not forgiven because they are still holding onto their sin and they are NOT resting on the forgiveness of Jesus, at least in that instance. 

Ultimately that is our goal: to help someone rest more fully on the forgiveness that Jesus has won for all the world through his painful torture on the cross. The blood of Jesus, God’s own Son, cleanses us from ALL impurities. That particular doctrine will humble us to admitting what is wrong with us and also relieve us of the shame and guilt that does pile up daily for each of us. 

May God make us each humble to listen, brave to confess what is broken in us, and confident of the mercy and grace of Jesus, our Savior!

Peace to you in Christ!