Fear of missing out.
Then he said to them all: “Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross daily and follow me. 24 For whoever wants to save their life will lose it, but whoever loses their life for me will save it. 25 What good is it for someone to gain the whole world, and yet lose or forfeit their very self? 26 Whoever is ashamed of me and my words, the Son of Man will be ashamed of them when he comes in his glory and in the glory of the Father and of the holy angels. // Luke 9:23-27
Fear of missing out (or “FOMO” in relation to social media) has to do with a certain sense that if we choose to take one path, we forfeit going in another direction. If you choose “A” you don’t get to have “B.” Jesus addresses that idea of choice and the idea of missing out in terms of being a disciple. Everyone who considers the prospect of being a disciple of Jesus must take a logical step back and see if they are ready for what this will entail. In the end, it will mean a saved life (Luke 9:24) by association with Jesus. But there will be things that will feel like we are losing as we follow him.
The qualification for anyone who has a desire to be a disciple of Jesus has three parts: Deny yourself, take up your cross, and then follow Jesus. We cannot come to Christianity with a blind expectation of what we will experience. At first blush, its path looks painful and full of loss, but Jesus promises that it will be a win.
Then he said to them all: “Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross daily and follow me. // Luke 9:23
Deny yourself
To deny yourself involves saying “no” to those things that you wish to have in your possession: health, reputation, comfort, peace, fulfillment, joy, wealth, and more. Every day I wake up with numerous desires. I have the desire for more sleep but I know that I need to put it off for another sixteen hours so that I can accomplish that day’s tasks. There is the desire for food—I’m hungry. We have the emotional desires for companionship and acceptance. Some of our desires are very good and other desires are not beneficial.
In this context, we must recognize that “denying yourself” will mean turning our backs on sinful, selfish desires, but it also may mean saying “no” to things that are not evil in and of themselves. There is something else at stake. I may deny a good cup of great coffee for the sake of a good night’s sleep. We may deny the right to retribution for injury if it would damage another person’s impression of Jesus.
Take up their cross
The fuller explanation of “deny yourself” comes with Jesus’ next words: “take up [your] cross.” The cross was a miserable implement of death that God chose from the Roman arsenal of death penalties in order to cancel my/our sin debt by Jesus’ death. The cross was not comfortable—it was excruciating pain.
Jesus warns the potential disciple that part of discipleship means enduring pain, by the Father’s own will, so that another person can be benefitted. Are we ready for that? Can we endure that? Only after seeing Jesus’ amazing cross-bearing attitude can we even begin to take up our cross daily.
Jesus’ words point us away from our usual pursuits where we try and avoid pain while pursuing pleasure. I put on special shoes and good socks so that my feet are comfortable as I move through the day. What causes me to avoid the pain? I seek to avoid pain if there is no benefit in it. But what if that pain or that unpleasant experience actually was a benefit for another human soul? Then I am, in a minute and shadowy copy of my Savior, blessing another person as I am fully blessed by Jesus. I start to learn the depth of his cross experience—all done for my benefit.
Follow me
Jesus had not yet met his own real cross; but it was coming soon. As we watch his progression to his own cross, we begin to notice that he continues steadfast for several reasons. One, the Father—our Father—has directed him to go this way. To follow the Father’s desire meant that he would deny himself the safety and comfort that was rightfully his in order to make a firm and settled salvation tonic for the dying and the hurting and the lost—namely, all of humanity.
As I follow Jesus, I see that all he did was done for the purpose of taking away my pain and suffering, at the command and desire of the Heavenly Father, for the purpose of another’s needs.
As I follow Jesus and know that my place with the Father is secure, I will also start to emulate Jesus’ self-denial so that other’s pain might be diminished. I seek to follow the Father’s will by making painful sacrifices of time so that another person’s fears might be relieved. I seek to endure scorn so that another soul can be embraced by grace. I end up copying Jesus on a miniature level, not so that I can benefit, but so that others might be blessed. In the process I learn by extrapolation that Jesus’ sacrifice, Jesus’ cross, was infinitely more extreme than my daily cross. My cross ends up being 1/1000th of 1% of what Jesus absorbed on my behalf. I do suffer, but drastically less than Jesus did for me. In that reflection I can be amazed at his conviction, his determination to endure for me, and his extraordinary love.
Overcoming Fear of Missing Out (FOMO)
As I follow Jesus down one path, I miss out on another, seemingly more pleasurable, experience. It seems that my fear of missing out will actually increase instead of decrease. I will start to see mile after mile of hardship that comes from following Jesus; simultaneously, I will view others who have avoided the “Jesus road” and are currently experiencing greater wealth, greater income, greater pleasures—“HEY! I’m missing out!” Do I trudge forward simply to be a martyr? Is that my real reason for pursuing this life of difficulty and pain? Is this what keeps me on the path of missing out?
For whoever wants to save their life will lose it, but whoever loses their life for me will save it. // Luke 9:24
We can’t save our life
In Luke 9:24 we see the real spin. Jesus takes the immediate and the logical approach of grabbing all the fun you can, acquiring pleasure and freeing yourself of pain. He takes that logical step that FOMO drives us all to (even Christians) and he shows us the end result: life lost. We really end up losing our life if we try to gather it up in our day-to-day accumulations. But he offers us a way to gain life, and it comes through losing life. FOMO causes us to gather. Jesus starts with that drive and shows that it gets us nowhere. Why?
Self vs. Other
FOMO (fear of missing out) is all about self. Jesus’ approach for life is about other. He seeks to build an other-centered approach to all that we do, which could cause FOMO to be retooled as FOTMO (fear of them missing out). It is selfless giving for the other—any other. As we do this we are actually building a small glimpse of what paradise will be. Jesus is reversing that part of the Fall (Genesis 3) that drove us into our very brittle shell of existence. The Fall caused us to be skeptical of God and of others. It caused distrust and angst. It created a fearful despair that dictated a dog-eat-dog approach to life, even disguising it in gentile fashion as caring for “one’s own.” We laugh (now) about hoarding toilet paper and hand sanitizer—but it’s real.
Here is the final point:
For whoever wants to save their life will lose it, but whoever loses their life for me will save it. 25 What good is it for someone to gain the whole world, and yet lose or forfeit their very self? // Luke 9:24-25
Examine your wants
Examine your wants and desires. Be honest about them. Your first breath in the morning is starkly tainted with wanting to save your life. But we can’t. We are not given the capacity or the ability. All we can actually do is lose life by trying to grab it. Go and try out a selfish life; see if it will last. Test out its tensile strength. Will it hold? You will find that in trying to hold on, it is like trying to hold water in a sieve.
Life must be given to us instead. God desires to sustain our life, coddle our life, generate pleasure and contentment in our life, and create security for our life. But he won’t take our life from us and force us to let go. He simply lays out the logic. Try to save; you lose. Let go of your life for the sake of Jesus, and you will gain infinitely more.
Have you seen his logic? Have you experienced any trust in his system? Look to his cross and you will see the greatest act of care and concern; you will be absorbed by his selfless nature and his steel determination to protect what you give him. His cross is identified by what he gave us so that you could live. Might we now trust his intentions and hand our life over?
Yes, I will miss out and so will you. I will walk away from opportunities. We will experience hours and days of relinquished joy and pleasure, but they will be on a much smaller scale than all he is preparing for me and for you in heaven. I still harbor the dwindling Fear of Missing Out. But I see his argument and hear his persuasive voice: “let go of that which you can’t hold; I will hold it for you.” Jesus says, “Trust me.” We can. And we can ditch FOMO only after seeing his loving commitment as he endured the cross for us.
Blessings to you in Christ,
Pastor Al